If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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