Why are handjobs necessary in class?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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