I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
