My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
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I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
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Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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