ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
