Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
