At least make sure they are 18
Why
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
