i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
