why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
