You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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