Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
My hand turned me down
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
