remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
