did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
