The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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