Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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