A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
We were destined to go to rehab together
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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