We got so high we made milksteak
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
