I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
