i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
