Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.