tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
That's what I'm talking about
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night