She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Everclear isn't food dammit
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
