Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once