Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her

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(603): not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her http://tfl.nu/t8zc

Replies (90) Good night (2577) Bad night (23247)
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.

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(610): I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina. http://tfl.nu/pcj6

Replies (38) Good night (4237) Bad night (758)
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(713): View more from Texas

Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.

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(713): Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach. http://tfl.nu/adkh

Replies (10) Good night (3343) Bad night (872)
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(847): View more from Illinois

stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever

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(847): stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever http://tfl.nu/se2n

Replies (47) Good night (6857) Bad night (945)
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(479): View more from Arkansas

even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...

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(479): even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit... http://tfl.nu/fzja

Replies (60) Good night (4609) Bad night (1647)
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(847): View more from Illinois

She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.

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(847): She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night. http://tfl.nu/sdtr

Replies (17) Good night (6010) Bad night (1225)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.

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(+44): she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together. http://tfl.nu/1f9e

Replies (2) Good night (2950) Bad night (1205)
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(734): View more from Michigan

Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum

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(734): Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum http://tfl.nu/virf

Replies (4) Good night (1841) Bad night (887)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to

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(412): Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to http://tfl.nu/0y3x

Replies (5) Good night (994) Bad night (2268)
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(918): View more from Oklahoma

In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.

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(918): In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you. http://tfl.nu/i5hi

Replies (6) Good night (1907) Bad night (838)
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(512): View more from Texas

I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective

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(512): I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective http://tfl.nu/bge2

Replies (8) Good night (1590) Bad night (602)
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(605): View more from South Dakota

Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?

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(605): Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win? http://tfl.nu/frm8

Replies (6) Good night (1630) Bad night (396)
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(773): View more from Illinois

Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly

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(773): Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly http://tfl.nu/8cgf

Replies (3) Good night (515) Bad night (896)
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(865): View more from Tennessee

He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror

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(865): He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror http://tfl.nu/h00k

Replies (4) Good night (280) Bad night (601)
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(325): View more from Texas

She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.

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(325): She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her. http://tfl.nu/stpn

Replies (0) Good night (484) Bad night (206)

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