How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.