There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
