Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.