The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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