So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
