and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
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I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
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Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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