Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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