I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize