well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
