hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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