Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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