I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
