whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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