using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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