I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
