i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
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