I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
