You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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