I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize