Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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