what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
