She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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