I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I looked at my own cervix.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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