I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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