I take back everything I said about communal showers
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
