the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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