so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
