just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
