i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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