So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
