I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I would ride that face into the sunset
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