Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
