Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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