She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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