I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
