Michael Bay diarrhea
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
