judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
