Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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