I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
