Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
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