My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
