2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
